He stealthily painted the skies, the clouds, the hills and trees and right when he was rinsing his paint brush at the pond, I caught him.
Or rather Silver handed, as the color of the Sun was dripping from his paintbrush, leaving the pond in a shimmery silvery-grey hue almost like a portal into another world.
His shirt was Earth colored, his hair was a nest with twigs and dried leaves tangled amidst them, his eyes shone with passion from all the beauty around him that he had created, his feet was slick with mud, his hand was dripping silver and beneath his arms and on his back, his shirt had a wet patch of melted snow.
Before I could reach him, he dived into the waters, and vanished into the pool of silver-grey that he had created from his paint brush. I ran to the spot and waited for him to resurface, but as the minutes passed by, the ripples reduced, the surface of the water became clear and I stood there looking at the face staring back at me.
He was long gone into a world he had created with his paint brush. Leaving my reflection in his place. He was me. I was him. I just don’t see how, I just don’t see it yet.
I look out my window
Towards that make-shift gate,
I have been waiting,
For long and it’s about time.
It’s just me, the gate,
And the mounting expectation.
The only person I waited for,
Ever so patiently, was you.
I knew that the day would end
When you stood at that gate,
looked expectantly into the window,
And I would run out to greet you.
My anklets tinkling,
My skirt swirling.
You’d scoop me up into your arms
And peck me on my cheek.
I’ll hug you and take what’s in your hand
And welcome you home.
I would tell you about my day,
You would tell me about yours,
We’d eat food together,
You’d put me to sleep,
And our tiny world,
would be perfect.
But now, I do the talking all the time,
Wondering if you ever hear me.
The flame on the tiny lamp
Atop the grave sashaying
To every word I say,
Reflecting every smile, every tear I shed.
And when the silence begins to
Grow too loud in my head,
I run to my window, wait there
And do my once favorite hobby.
I stare at the gate until you appear,
And open it; head bent and heavy with sorrow.
You don’t look at the window anymore.
You don’t look for me.
You can’t bear to see it empty anymore.
And I’m done trying to tell you
I’m always there,
Looking out the window.
Kenny Sebastian came up with this video about the women’s purse. It was meant for educating men, but I really should say, it was informative to me as well. You will know why as I analyse his revelations, but first you might want to watch this video to get the context.
You – a guy – could hold a woman’s bag?
I did have friends who were very very uncomfortable holding my bag even for a moment. When I had to adjust my slippers or do something that would only take a couple of minutes, he would hold the bag awkwardly, sweat profusely and look around to ensure that no one noticed him holding a woman’s bag. And so, during the last couple of years, whenever a male friend offered to hold my bag, I was shocked!
‘Really? You could hold a woman’s bag?‘ 😀
The Bomb in the Bag
The next thing he brings to everyone’s notice is the sanitary pad. I do have male friends who are absolutely fine with it. But I must mention that I myself had this phase where if any guy came close to my bag, the alarm in my head would go off and I would grab my bag. No! I did not have bombs inside but, *whispers* ‘What if he saw the Pad?’
There were moments when guys did notice it, averted their eyes and I would bury my face in shame. It was as though the deepest, darkest secret that was hidden since time immemorial was revealed and the world had ended. That was around a decade ago.
Now, if a friend decides to explore my purse for time pass, I just give it to him. Firstly, I have nothing to be ashamed of. Secondly, if he finds a pad, there would be two outcomes. He will either ignore it or discuss it normally which would give me an insight into his attitude about such matters, or he would panic or make funny or weird remarks in which case I could try to make him comfortable about the topic. The latter rarely happens. Most men’s weirdness with pads end in school or college or sometimes at home too, I believe. 🙂
I never have chocolates in my bag. Let me tell you why. I eat them! If I get chocolates, I eat them immediately. Even if I don’t, I leave them in my cupboard so no one finds it (Yes. I am selfish about chocolates). But, I do not carry them in my bag fearing friends who would find it (Super selfish :P). In any case, if at all there is a chocolate inside my bag, my grandmother would definitely find it and I wouldn’t even see the cover later on. 😀
So, the existence of chocolates are ruled out from my bag.
No. Unless I am going on a long trip or riding my bike with contact lens on (which happens very rarely), I do not carry sunglasses. I don’t see people wearing shades here and since it hasn’t been a part of our lifestyle, even if I did carry it, I would never remember to wear it! 😀
My make up begins and ends with eye wear and a lip balm. I learnt the difference between a hand cream and a sanitizer from this video. Since I have this weird urge to wash my hands after I use a sanitizer, I don’t use that either. This is the first time I am realizing that women carry Clean and Dry with them. Now as I think of it, it is really hygienic and handy if you are using public toilets or are on long trips right? Definitely something to think about!
Various forms of Paper
Hell yeah! In two weeks’ time, my bag gets flooded with those. Movie tickets, supermarket, medical shop and all sorts of bills, ATM receipts, Parking receipts, library receipts, shopping lists etc and they are in dozens. When it becomes humanly impossible to find anything inside my bag, and it begins to look pregnant, I clear them all.
So what do I carry in my bag?
ID cards, phone, scooter keys, minimal cash and card holder are the common stuff we carry all the time right? Since I need to switch bags depending upon my needs, I keep these things together for easy switching. Apart from these:
I take a clutch if I am simply going out. That is the most used item and so, it has a set of passport size photos, some stamps, necessary visiting cards and a sparkey’s card ;).
I take a handbag if I have to carry or purchase more/bigger things.
Mind you, the bills and all the papers will be uniformly present in all my bags. My habit of not littering the streets adds to the litter in my bags too.
Do you know the one thing that all the bags have in common? The last point on Kenny’s video. The vanishing point – The Bermuda Triangle – in your bag. It so happens that only and only the 3 most important things go vanishing:
Your keys – be it house or vehicle keys
You search once hurriedly in each and every pocket, you won’t find it. You panic and search semi-slowly everywhere, you won’t find it. You run to other places, home, inside your vehicle, you won’t find it. So you get back, turn your bag upside down & search. If you are lucky, you would find it stuck weirdly in a fold in the fabric of your bag, in a non-corner or simply lying in the middle of everything, laughing at you!
So what do you have in your bag? Does yours come even close to Kenny’s list? Or is it as drab and boring like mine? 😀
There is a beautiful stretch of road I often take to get home. Being in the city, I almost always avoid the central areas and junctions. While the alleyways are narrow, long, winding and time consuming, I prefer the coolness of those interiors rather than the heat and pollution of the main roads. Lined with trees, shrubs and simple houses on either side, it is a silent, residential area.
As I entered this stretch of road, a bike passed by me. In a short while, I noticed that the bike had slowed down, much below my pace and so, I overtook him. It did not take very long for him to overtake me again and that was when I actually began to take notice of him. I decided to slow down for a while and not go past him but I lost my patience and increased my pace.
It began to get interesting as he passed by and slowed down again.
If only the road stretched on forever… But alas! It ended at a junction and after a while, we found each other on the same path again. A shorter one this time. After one last drill, the road diverged and he took the deviation. As I went ahead to melt into the traffic, I looked at my mirror to see him take a last glimpse at me. With a hint of a smile, he vanished.
All I knew was his smile and his eyes. The conversation happened between our bikes. I didn’t know his face, his identity, his beliefs or virtues. There were no fears, no expectations, a tad bit of curiosity that didn’t even require any sating. Yet, I had a wonderful time with him. The stranger on the bike.
Food for thought – Suppose you are creating something. But in the process, you destroy ten other things. Is the creation worthwhile?
The idea has been implanted well. Increase the content of greed in there, won’t you?
Due to their greed for wealth, fame, and power, they’ll double their production and pollute the environment. They’ll use up all the resources. They’ll make more space for themselves by felling all the trees and forests. They will be in so much of a hurry that they will not bother about replenishing these resources.
They are busy expanding their empire that they aren’t seeing the pattern. Everything is perishing all at once! One of the most intelligent creatures fails to see this because they are blinded by greed.
The polluted water is already infested with microbes & chemicals and the diseases are spreading easily. The air they breathe is poisonous.The food they eat is made of chemicals. Their minds are filled with hatred for religions that are mere illusions. The heat is melting the snowcaps and their lands are beginning to submerge. Soon, many more lives will be lost. The wealthy would live longer since they can afford to build skyscrapers and hide within. But eventually, the destruction will be inevitable.
When they are at their most vulnerable, desperate moment, WE will intervene. Their saviors!
WE will offer them the gift of life and the amenities to restore Earth to its former glory. In return, WE will ask for peaceful co-existence. A deal wouldn’t be necessary, I know. Earthlings will be clinging for their dear life. They will have to agree with our terms.
That, my friends, will be the easiest conquest in the history. Simply by Implanting an idea. Influencing their minds with greed for wealth, fame & power. We are halfway there.
Now we wait.
Let us wait patiently while they bask in wealth, power and glory. Wait for the day they become vulnerable. WE will chain them and make them our slaves. WE will own a beautiful planet, restore it to its former glory and breed our slaves.
~Plan Earth II.84
When we are struck with weapons such as guns, missiles, atom bombs etc, the consequences are immediate. But what happens when the weapon is disguised to seem useful? What happens when it is in action and we are under the misconception that it is helping us grow?
By now, you know what it is. It is an idea impregnated into our minds. The idea of development at an exponential rate. We humans want to get further in life. We invented the wheel. Then we wanted something more. We invented vehicles. We kept expanding our horizons and we still do. We know that we are using our resources rapidly. We know that cutting trees will only cause more harm and yet we do not plant more. Why is that?
When we know that cigarettes are harmful, why do we still smoke? What causes this addiction? This carelessness?
Why is this hatred for other religions increasing? Why are terrorism and bombings aggravating? When so many of us want peace, why is violence dominating? Doesn’t everything about us humans seem abnormal? But the animals and plants haven’t changed. Their behavior has been the same since time immemorial. Does it mean there is an external involvement?
What if there are ‘people outside’… watching us? What if the idea of development has been implanted in our minds without focusing on the replenishing part of it? What if they are turning us against each other so that when the time is right for conquest, we don’t have the power of unity. If the members of a group go daggers at each other, how could they come together and fight someone else? Most importantly, how could they know that they have an enemy as long as they haven’t seen the enemy?
The enemy is invisible. The enemy is watching us. And he is getting stronger with time. A conquest is brewing.
PS – This post isn’t against development. This focusses on the Food for thought point. One creation at the cost of ten destruction. Development at the cost of environment.
I am taking my alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter
I have been listening to the vicious revving of the chainsaw since yesterday. Last time this happened I remember looking out my window helplessly, willing it to stop. The sound was haunting. But soon, I realized that it was worse when it stopped, for when it did, I cringed; dreading the thud of death as a tree dropped to the ground.
Today, two have fallen going by the number of thuds. I heard the silent screams as the leaves rustled on their way down. Wait! Was that a scream or a sigh I heard? A last breath!
As I look out my window, I see gaping holes in my Emerald woods, pale-white, wounded stumps of trees that once were and logs well arranged. If trees bled, would they stop? I wonder.
The chirping of the birds have died. The greens have faded. A parrot is perched upon the coconut tree watching, as they slice a fallen tree one limb at a time. Was that her home?
The parrots would leave & never return. The peahen would have fled long ago or worse been killed and cooked. The blue kingfisher would be in for a surprise. It will be the second time she’ll be going around in loops searching for her home.
Have you come back from work and found that your home was missing all of a sudden? You just can’t find it! It was next to the blue house with Aluminium roofing. But now, there is this blank space. Nothing else!
The Emerald woods I called it. It was akin to the Enchanted woods & Forbidden Forest in my imagination. The canal winding before it gave the place a mystic aura.
Not anymore. The canal is filled with filth, mush, plastics & waste.
They will return to claim more trees. They’ll butcher them loudly and mercilessly. They will watch them bleed, joyfully hacking them to pieces and proudly present them to people in return for money. They will come again, to pave the edges of the woods, to own the canal waters, to deprive the Earth of everything natural and replace it with everything manmade.
And one day, they will come for me. I’ll be replaced too with something manmade, a robot perhaps? I’ll deserve every bit of it. For my sins. The Sin of watching. The Sin of doing nothing. The Sin of believing that I am helpless.
The third tree fell now. The coconut tree the Parrot had perched upon.
I am taking my alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter
Happiness is a chair, a book and the threshold of an Ocean and not knowing which one makes you happier.
Every Bibliophile’s dream – A serene spot with a view, some peace and a book. Behold! An evening at the beach, watching the waves breaking against the rocks, holding a book and finding a nice spot to read.
I flipped a few pages as the Ocean’s music filled my ears. There was a feeble breeze and the rocks were drenched with water from both the Sea and from the drizzle that had just stopped. The tides were high, way before twilight and it looked as though the Sea would rise any time and gobble me up. I thought it was the rains, but it was something else.
I had come to this very same beach yesterday. I sat atop a bench, cross-legged, closed my eyes and tried to meditate. It took me barely few minutes to abandon my efforts. Not because I couldn’t sit still, but because of what was before me. I looked around at all the people meditating. How could one close his eyes while facing these magnificent waters, I wondered.
Now, I was mocking myself. I walked to this very same beach with a book in hand. How could I delve in one’s ecstasy and ignore the other? I couldn’t read. Not as long as I wanted to watch the Ocean. And I couldn’t watch the waves if I read. I wanted them both – my spouse and my love.
The Sea threatened, in her deep throaty voice, to swallow me up. Oh! Well, that explains the angry high tides. I must have hurt her pride by bringing along my Love. Sure enough, the book remained untouched while I conversed with the waves.
I walked up to him, stealthily
drew a line on his spine,
with the tip of my
slender, cold index finger.
A shiver ran through him.
I turned him around,
took a cursory look at him & sighed.
I would neither be his first nor his last.
I had known that, forever.
But I was glad, I was one among them.
I placed a palm on his chest,
leaned close & took in
the familiar smell;
Of rains, love, excitement,
laughter & tears.
He closed his eyes & smiled,
and continued narrating
from where he had paused.
After a couple of hours,
he stopped & looked
at my tear stained face.
I looked around
and to my astonishment,
nothing had changed.
But I knew that
I’d never be the same again.
My voice choked, I whispered,
‘Do all of them feel this way?’
He smiled, his crooked smile,
scratched his chin, tilted his head,
‘Most of them. Do you like it?’
‘I do. And when you leave,
I’ll pick another.’
I returned the crooked smile.
He looked up smiling,
genuinely this time.
‘That’s how irresistible we are.
We books, have a way of wooing you
and you can never say ‘No’ to us’
Image Courtesy: My dearest friend Balachandran. The bookmark was my gift to him 🙂
We have heard many stories about how Tigers and Leopards wandered into the cities and then they were killed.
When we spot a snake, we ensure that we don’t lose sight of it, grab a weapon and then kill it.
In Trivandrum, Kerala, there were many street dogs that bit children and adults alike and the Television was buzzing with controversial talks. There was a group against Street Dog killing and another that wanted them dead.
In many parts of the world, there are festivals where animals are stoned and lashed to death. They say that Gods will be pleased through this sacrifice.
Let me ask you all one question; we kill these stray Dogs because they bite our children and because they are a nuisance in the society. So, shouldn’t animals have the right to kill the humans who attack them? We destroy their habitats and construct homes and offices in their places. We make them homeless and when they wander into the city which belongs to them too, we kill them.
I understand the sentiments behind killing those stray dogs or the wild animals. People are worried for their children & there were too many Dogs during one point of time. Similarly, wild animals cannot be tamed and they are extremely dangerous. If I had a child, I would be worried about him/her. This note isn’t a plea to stop killing them. This is just to ignite a thought on a deeper level.
It is this; what makes humans different from animals is that we have the ability to self reflect. We have scored the skies and the waters. And something has made us believe that we are superior to animals. ‘Their right to live comes only after our right to live’ is an attitude that has dissolved into our system. But, is that so? If we have the right to kill stray & dangerous animals, don’t they have the right to kill dangerous people? If they had the sense to do so, will we still be quite and let them kill the criminals?
Based on the current scenario, I’ll answer that. No! Because, we believe any animal that attacks have to be killed. And why not? After all, they are inferior to us.
I’ll leave this video, that inspired me to write this, here. After watching this, circus and zoos wouldn’t be the same for me ever again.
In the earlier post, I mentioned about how Christmas is important to me. There was a twist in the tale though. On 22nd, I was informed that I should accompany my sister to Bangalore for a training. At first, it sounded like a good option. But gradually, I realised that I will have nothing to do in Bangalore, all my Cochin based Bang settled friends will be coming home for vacation and my sister will have classes all day. Even then, it’s just Bangalore! I could do something, right?
We reached on 24th morning. It was Christmas eve. My sister left for her classes. We got accommodation in the college guest house which looked like a deserted, haunted place. The windows faced an empty basketball court and the all the rooms in the floor were locked except ours.
I spent half the day doing this & that abd after lunch, decided to take a look around the area. It looked nothing like the city. Well, the city is 20kms away. This was one of the rural areas of Bangalore. With time I realised that even some of the residents haven’t heard of the place much. Which also meant that I was far far away from them. My hopes were coming down. I couldn’t think of spending 6 days like this.
I had brought two books and a laptop. It wouldn’t be too bad. Besides, my sister had told me that we could get wifi here. It was still okay. With wifi, books & my blog, I wouldn’t have a problem! I slept during the rest of the afternoon until my sister came back.
“They are asking us to shift to the next block in a room with another girl. We are the only occupants in this entire building. If we want to, we could stay here.”
I didn’t want to share a room. But, it wasn’t safe inside a deserted building. Specially when the room didn’t have an attached bathroom. So we decided to shift. We were taken to the said room and suddenly, it felt better. This room seemed more lively and there were people around. We decided to go out for a walk.
The girl whose room we were sharing had asked me, “Do you celebrate Christmas?”
I said we do.
“There are a lot of Christians in Kerala and Goa right?”
“Yes there are. Do you celebrate?”
“No. We don’t”
I knew the answer already. That is why I did not tell her that not only the Christians, but all of us celebrated. I wanted to tell her how beautiful it is. But I knew that she wouldn’t understand. I’d just be giving her some boring lectures. So I didn’t pursue the conversation.
I settled in the cot next to the window and slept early. I will wake up to Christmas the next day. Christmas with no lights and sound. I missed my Christmas tree.
The streets of Cochin dance with rice lights. All the buildings are decorated like brides. You don’t know where to look these days. Year after year, the decorations keep increasing. The streets look all the more beautiful after the rains. The raindrops shimmer around the lights, the cool breeze tickles your ear and you smell Christmas in the air. Every 10 feet presents you with tiny shops that sell stars. Stars in the shape of stars, in the shape of balls and some in the shape of supernova – pretty much an exploded look. There are also a wide variety of christmas trees for sale – green, gold, silver, green with whites for snow that appear and disappear alternatively.
By 20th of December, almost every commercial building and many of the houses have stars hung before them. Santa Clauses hired by huge companies dance to the tune of drums and attract customers. Some have statues of Santa Claus built. You could also see the trees beautifully decorated outside most of the buildings. Some homes simply decorate a huge plant or a random tree. I find that amusing. I like how they find the same happiness without purchasing a Christmas tree. I used to do that. 🙂
I woke up today, 25th December in Bangalore and forgot that it was Christmas. When I remembered, there was no one to wish. I called up my mother and wished her. I have plans for tomorrow. But today, will be just another day. I had breakfast, received so many wishes and replied to them all. I felt like the room was beginning to stink. Since it was cold, we didn’t bother to open the windows. I cleaned up the room and opened the windows.
I opened the next.
There were my Christmas lights.
If I were to forget that I was in Bangalore, I’d definitely have thought that this is Kerala. The windows faced few trees of which one had yellow-pink flowers blossoming all over. The sunlight was filtering through the leaves and I could listen to the birds chirping. I switched off all the lights and watched as the window swallowed the entire sunlight.
I didn’t have any christmas trees. I didn’t have the rice lights or decorations. I couldn’t listen to the carols. But it was still okay.
I had many trees with the sunlight adorning them so beautifully. I heard the birds chirping and suddenly I felt like I was close to home. This isn’t what christmas looks like. But it sure looks like home. 🙂 I just had to open the windows.
Anoop tagged me for the #itsStillOkay challenge and this is my post for the same. I’m defying the rules since I’m posting from my phone. Please feel free to take up the challenge on the topic, It’s still okay.
She was 6. Her eyes were fixed on the TV screen that played her favorite show ‘Chitrahar’. Every Friday at 7.30 PM, they played the latest Hindi songs and she wouldn’t miss it for anything else. At sharp 7.25 PM she would be gaping into the screen awaiting the end of the boring news & for the music to begin. But today was different.
Today, her eyes were fixed on the TV screen. But she wasn’t watching it. She clutched the remote control tightly in her tiny palms. They were sweating. She could vaguely see some movements in the TV. She could barely hear the song over the conversation raging in the adjoining room. She was scared. Scared to listen. Scared to not listen.
She fidgeted with the remote control & finally increased the TV volume. Yet, she could make out neither the conversation, nor the music. And then, she heard it again, loud & clear. The dreadful noise of slaps and punches. They have always terrified her. The clap of a slap. She heard it repeatedly. As the screaming and shouting increased, the slaps sounded like thunder in her ears.
She sat there transfixed. Eyes wide, breathing faster, her hands holding on to the remote as though the harder she held it, faster it would all end. Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered that her mother was bearing a baby inside her. Will that baby die?
Should I go in there? Or should I sit here and wait for my mother to die? Will he kill me after that? Will he hit me for increasing the TV volume? Or for switching it ON? Or shall I decrease it? But what if he hits me for reducing the volume & listening to them?
Suddenly, he came out of the room and stormed into the kitchen. She could hear her mother’s sobs. She was crying like a little child. She wanted to see her mother. But…
He came out of the kitchen holding a heavy pounder made of iron. Her eyes widened as she saw what he was holding,
My mother is going to die. My mother is going to die.
She didn’t dare make a noise. But she was screaming noiselessly & running around the hall, her hand cupped over her mouth. She hoped that her silence would solve everything.
She knew this day was coming. Each time her father flogged her mother, she thought it would be the last time she would see her. But today, she was sure. She knew that next will be her turn. She went towards their room & stood still. She couldn’t see what was happening inside. But she waited, for the blow.
‘You have the audacity to disobey me!? I’ll show you what I can do.’ Saying so, he lifted the pounder. Before the final blow, she heard the most outrageous cry that will haunt her forever – The cry of an animal about to be torn by the wolves. The cry of fear, pain and fury mingled with the last desperate attempts to escape.
And the dead silence.
She took a step forward & peeked into the room. She sighed…
…And slumped down on the floor.
17 years later…
Mother: (Her face is scarred & shadowed through the years. Wheezing deeply) Diksha Aunty called. She has got a proposal for you. She: Don’t bother Ma, I told you many times & I tell you now. I’m not getting married! Can you at least hide that swelling on your face? It makes me want to kill him. But you wouldn’t let me.