This Women’s Day, I Mourned

For all those women who were and are raped, for all those abused wives and friends, for all those women whose talents are suppressed for merely being born a woman. For the child raped by the Church priest, for the 7 children in the orphanage who were raped, for…

Yesterday, I was tagged in many Women’s Day post and videos and I did not participate or comment on any of those. Honestly, I did not feel like celebrating.

 

My facebook feed was flooding with women’s day wishes, tags and videos extolling womanhood and praising women. Meanwhile, the newspapers and TV channels had small snippets of rapes in orphanages, rapes of siblings, of little children and stories of rape related to various religions/communities! The irony.

 

I am not ‘proud’ to be a woman. It isn’t a hard earned achievement to be proud of. If anything, I am scared and I feel unsafe all the time. Umpteen times have I considered dressing up like men so I would feel safe.

 

I was born with genitals different from men and that dictated my life. My duties, the way I walk, talk, clothe HAD to be according to a rule book because of the body I was given at birth. I have been suffering on many levels because of something that wasn’t even my choice! If given a choice, I would prefer to be a male. I know! I know! Guys tell me it is not easy. But for starters, I would like to go out without being stared at (read x-rayed) or followed. Or even worse, without being groped, or pointed at like an animal at the zoo.

 

It is well and good if, after all this celebration, one really resolved to not make a woman in the street uncomfortable or to appreciate how one’s mother/wife works every day without even a break on a Sunday and resolved to give her a break every alternate week or so.

 

I doubt that any rapist, molester or vulgar men sending vulgar or threatening messages in facebook messenger or showing their genitals or rubbing them against women in public would be reading this or that this write-up would make a change in any manner. But if things like these could be stopped, that could call for a celebration.

Women Wouldn’t have to be celebrated

 

No offense meant to anyone celebrating it or wishing people. I am awed by your positivity. I just don’t feel it. This Women’s day hullaballoo has been immensely annoying to me because it is like celebrating Peace in Westeros! I don’t want to be praised, wished and extolled on one out of 365 days because I am a woman. I just want the respect that any person deserves irrespective of gender on all 365 days.

 

I am appalled by the necessity of a frequent reminder that women are people and not boobs and mere holes between the legs. A reminder that falls on deaf ears. In a perfect world, Women won’t have to be celebrated. The need for a celebration is disheartening.

 

Note – I am not generalizing and I know, all men aren’t the same. I am not against the celebrations either. A series of events and news during the last couple of days disturbed me and the women’s day celebrations seemed like a joke at the wake of it. Hence the rant. Phew!

Me – A Woman Pointed Away from Technology & Towards Kitchen

Two conversations were sufficient for me to realize that some of the educated people today, still lack the common sense to think for themselves.

Conversation 1

It was about booking an Uber. The app showed us that there were no cars available. Having used it many times before, I suggested a solution. The reply was a mocking smile and,

“This is the problem with women & technology.”

I felt like I had been slapped on my face. I looked at him open mouthed. He was someone close to me, educated and I’m sure he must have come across tech savvy women. Yet, this is what he said. Since the cab was our priority, I explained to him how to go about my suggestion. Soon, we were waiting for the cab. I told him softly that I was hurt when he said those words. I don’t think he understood how awful I felt, but all the same he apologized.

What about all those situations when men are equally ignorant about technology? I have come across many such instances. I have corrected men when they were wrong. Yet, I haven’t heard a comment that said ‘technology & men’. I ensure that I don’t mock people for their ignorance. Here the mocker was the ignorant one.

via meme generator

---

 

Conversation 2

I was discussing about my course with a relative (A man) and then the topic of family came up. I was told.

“You women should venture into the kitchen and take up some work.”

I said it wasn’t as easy as said. There are situations at home, I have classes & studies. Due to various other reasons, it isn’t possible for me to do all the work at home.

“Face the consequences. You ladies have to take up the household chores”, came the reply.

Probably, he was used to talking that way, rather than listening what the other person had to say. I didn’t want to worsen the argument and so I agreed and ended it.

I know many working women who wake  up early, prepare food for their husband, send them to work, then they go for work, return, do household chores, prepare dinner & clean up after the same. These days, men are helping too. But there are many houses where that doesn’t happen.

It goes thus, women ‘have to’ do the household chores while men ‘don’t have to’. We are still clinging on to age old customs without thinking logically. There is a limit for the human body to take up work & stress. Beyond that limit, the health gets affected which is partly why more women suffer from ailments than men. Most of my friends’ mothers have knee pains, low bone density, other joint pains etc compared to their fathers.

via meme generator

Solution

Let us think logically. Our ancestors did restrict women from living their lives and so, their lifestyle was thus. Now that women are in every field, we should also lighten their burdens. Every family is different from the other. So based on your family, talk it out. Discuss how the burden could be reduced and shared if not equally, at least to an extent. It might be complicated at first. But gradually, you can work it out. Ultimately, the health & peace of mind of people around you is what matters.

Those who cannot be this open minded can marry women who aren’t ambitious rather than marrying educated women and squeezing the life out of them. If you are a parent who has a problem with a working daughter in law, find a daughter in law who prefers to be a house-wife. There are many such women. I respect them all equally. Forcing someone to become someone else is not the solution.

I am a CA student. I am capable of doing the chores at home & I actually like doing them. I love cooking, arranging & cleaning. But when I have classes or when my exams are approaching, studying for minimum 10 hours a day becomes necessary. People (relatives who don’t know how difficult CA is) ask me to do chores when I take a break. After studying for 2 hours, the only 15 mins break I take, I should work. Does that sound reasonable to you? Why isn’t that asked of the men who are pursuing the same course?

Both the conversations happened within a span of a month. Both are my relatives; well educated, know the strains and pains of a working woman, have worked with women colleagues. They see the lives of women, be it in the family or at work and yet, use tones that generalize women and phrases that adorned the women of 19th century.

If education and experience talks this way, what can I say about the rest of our country?