The Lord’s Laments

Today, as I was browsing through Facebook, a series of satirical quotes caught my attention. The author portrays how certain religious beliefs scream irony so much so that even God is flabbergasted. But, we humans do not question them because come on! We go to hell if we do. And no! You don’t need to know where Hell is. One simply does not ask such questions.

The series were named ‘Daiva Vilapangal’ or God’s Laments by one Mr. Mahesh Haridas. Each one of them focusses on The Lord Almighty’s worries and how he must be lamenting about them.

All credits for the idea and images go to Mr. Mahesh Haridas. Those who know Malayalam, can check the post here. For the rest, I have given the translations below. I apologize in advance for my inability to give the exact translation.

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The Lord’s Lament 1

The Lord is in distress. He received crores of money in the form of offerings and the last date to pay his tax dues is fast approaching.

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Should The Lord pay taxes? But isn’t he the one who created us and the entire universe? Then why would he pay tax? Does it mean that he is dependent on the government and that he has to abide by the laws and regulations? So, the law makers are above God, right?

The Lord’s Lament – 2

 

The God of Death, Yama decided to give our Lord a treat for having helped him meet his targets. As usual, all the killings on Earth was in the name of God.

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I have my God and you all have to follow my God. No! Your God isn’t the real one. We protect our God and if you do anything to tarnish his image, you will be facing us.

And so we fight and die. Now, if we die, who will protect our God? He will perish without us. Oh dear!

The Lord’s Lament – 3

On a closer look at Earth, he saw that the walls were all covered with messages and quotes in his name and he wondered, When on Earth did I say all that?

“You shouldn’t love the same gender. Why do you think I created two genders? I would have created males alone or females alone if it was allowed. I decide whom you love. Alright?”

“Menstruating women shouldn’t enter certain places of worship. It infuriates me and my wrath will be upon you!”

“Are you a Hindu marrying a Christian? Henceforth, I do not want to see you. I prohibit your entry into my home.”

“Share my picture on Facebook. Else, you will hear a bad news in 2 hours and will have bad luck for the next 10 years.”

God – Whaaaaat!? Someone is impersonating me!

People – Oh shut up! You aren’t the real God. Real God says things like those. ^_^

 

The Lord’s Lament – 4

An arrest warrant for God. Due to the fireworks conducted to please The Lord, hundreds lost their lives.

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“Um… tell me how people died, again? Er… was I supposed to watch the fireworks? I was enjoying my Pizza.”

The Lord’s Lament – 5

The Lord was the judge and he gave away prizes to the committee members who played movie songs the loudest, to entertain him during the festival.

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“Hey! Can someone play that song from the latest Rajnikanth movie? I like that guy! 😀 ”

The Lord’s Lament – 6

The establishment made in the name of God, without his knowledge, was destroyed and in its place, another building was constructed again in the name of God. He looked at these humans and said, “(Damn!) I should have planted some plantains in their place.”

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Some of them are equally hilarious and disturbing. For instance, the last one. According to some, if one doesn’t belong to their religion, one is not religious at all. I personally know people who believe so.

Some of the comments on these posts said that festivals and fireworks weren’t for God’s entertainment but for ours. The question is, if certain entertainments cause trouble and nuisance, is it necessary in the name of religion? Will we lose anything by reducing some of the festivities? This is my opinion and I know you will have yours. I respect that. But the answer ‘This has been followed for years and this should continue’ is too vague and unsettling.

To believe or not to believe is up to people. But stereotyping the God you have never seen and expecting people to follow your version of it, manipulating religious practices as per your convenience, using fear as a tool to get things done in the name of God only depicts the crookedness of human minds.

Your God is your conscience. Your version of God need not tally with everyone else’s version. As long as your deeds do not hurt anyone physically or mentally, you are worshipping your God right.

How different, peaceful and beautiful the world would be if each one of us minded our own business, ensured that we did not hurt our fellow beings through words or deeds, and extended our hands when someone was in need?

Featured image courtesy: Favim.com

PS – I am not an athiest. I am religious in my own way yet, that doesn’t stop me from questioning certain beliefs. I do not have any grudge towards any religion. If the mention of any names hurt your sentiments, I apologize. It wasn’t intentional. Meanwhile, some of the sentences explicitly display my belief and I do not apologize for those. To know the difference, you may ask me. Thanks 🙂

The Lord’s pranks

As I stepped into the threshold of his abode, he said,
‘So, You have come!’.
His tone conveyed so many feelings. As if he had been waiting for me, as though he was angry with me for not turning up for so long. Of course  he has all the rights to be angry. Almost everyday I pass by and when I reach at that particular point, I make my own silly reasons and leave.

As I stood there, drinking in his beauty, the description ‘aspashtam drishtamatre’ came into my mind.Each time I go there and see him, that is what strikes me – His beauty, the glow, the aura cannot captured by the naked eye, the moment you see it. It is too strong and too beautiful. Once I take my eyes off him, a blur of lights and shape remains.

‘I am sorry for taking so long.’

‘Are you? Well, I presume you will be leaving soon!’ Sarcasm.

‘Eh… it is getting late so I guess I will have to.’ I said. As I began pradakshina (circum ambulating the deity), it began to drizzle . All of a sudden, the five-minutes-ago-clear-cloudless sky was teeming with clouds. By the time I completed the pradakshina, the drizzle had gained strength.
I looked at him exasperated.
And a playful smile crossed his lips. I couldn’t help but smile ‘Oh! your famous pranks again.’

‘So, why didn’t you come to see me for so long? Each time you passed by I expected you to peep in’.

‘Er… you know…’

‘I know what!?’

‘Well reasons. This and that’

He was silent.

‘You know how I love to spend time with you.’

No answer.

‘Oh please don’t be annoyed with me. I can’t leave knowing that you are angry.’

Silence

‘Please’

The priest came and said,‘You will have to wait outside for a while.’

A surge of anger and guilt.

‘So are you throwing me outside!?’

Silence

But even then I couldn’t help but smile. How could he play like this?

As I slipped outside, I realized it had gone really dark and that I must get home soon. Now that I had been royally kicked out, I considered leaving. The drizzle could be managed…The thought crossed my mind and right before my  eyes, the rain had gained immense strength & before I took around five steps, it was a heavy downpour mocking at me. I turned around aghast to see the temple doors closing. And again, I was smiling to myself.

‘Smart!’

The voice had a mocking touch to it,‘You wanted to leave, you may.’

And so I waited.

Each time I decided to leave in spite of the rain, the waters beat down on the roofs. It boomed loudly as water fell like sheets from the 3 sides. It rained like the sky was furious. But to me it looked like love being showered.
The coolness from the rains, the smell of rain, the sulky faced Krishna and his pranks all had my soul dancing in his rasaleela (The divine dance)…

‘Come on! Don’t do this. Now neither can I leave, nor can I see you. This isn’t fair.’

Sulkily ‘You don’t want to see me.’

‘It isn’t like that, you know that. Please open the doors.’

Practically I considered why the doors were closed and I asked the lady next to me if it was for athazha pooja (Lord’s dinner time! :)). She said it wasn’t. But she didn’t know why either.

‘Great! I don’t even know why I was thrown out!’

‘Don’t you?’

‘Oh yes I do. But the temple reason. Please please please, Open the door.’

After around 15 minutes of bragging, begging and complaining, he opened just one of the two doors & left it that way.

‘There you are! Though not fully convinced.’

He peeped from around the corner pouting. ‘I just wanted you to stay but you weren’t willing.’

I had nothing to say. i was just amused and astonished seeing the drama unfolding before my eyes. No wonder he is called the chithhachora (Thief of hearts). He has this uncanny art of stealing the hearts and getting away with his pranks.

‘You know that I am really late, don’t you? I do promise I’ll come again. Just open both the doors and let me know that you aren’t angry anymore.’

He stood there half hidden

‘please’

And the other door opened.

I had a full view of his striking form.

I turned to the lady next to me and said,’I’d get going before it closes for athazhapooja. The rain has reduced.’

I fished into my bag for my scooter keys, searching every pocket thoroughly. But couldn’t find them,

I went out and checked the bike’s keyholes. It wasn’t there either.

‘Your game isn’t over yet?’

‘Why do you always presume it’s me? You should have kept it carefully!”

I ran back into shelter and searched my bag again. And my fingers closed around the keys that were missing a few minutes ago

‘You know that I love your pranks don’t you?’

The little Krishna smiled and with that I left. His ways are strange and he gets away with all his pranks. 🙂