CA Diaries – One Last Attempt

Long post alert! I’ll be dividing this post into parts due to its lengthy nature.

Also, to understand some of it, you will need knowledge about CA course and the marking system. Hope you get a vague idea here:

• There are 2 groups in CA final. One group comprises of 4 papers of 100 marks each.
• You need to get 40 marks or more for every paper and 200 (50%) aggregate in each group to clear a group (Or 400 aggregate to clear both).
• If you get 60 marks for a paper, you get an exemption from writing it for the next 3 attempts.
• If you fail in one paper, you have to write the entire group again (unless you have scored a 60 for a paper which alone will be exempted.)

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Part 1

I am a CA student. Judge me all you want. This is my 7th attempt at my CA finals. Yes! I have failed and I got up every single time. I am writing this for all those CA students who have failed multiple times and haven’t given up and as a result face similar situations as below. Maybe, at the end of my lengthy post, I could help someone feel better. Maybe!

I completed my article-ship in 2014 Feb. I gave my CA Final first attempt in Nov 2013. The pass percentage was 3% then. I remember I had prepared well for my first group and wrote my second group unprepared, due to lack of time. When the results were out, I had similar marks for both the groups. Same marks for the group I studied well and for the group I didn’t study at all. I lost all hopes.

The next two attempts I gave were with no confidence at all. The first attempt had weakened me. The distance, between my first attempt’s 1st group results and 200 pass marks, was vast. Thinking of the distance I had to cover, drained all hopes out of me. I wrote the exams later on, but with neither hope nor confidence. I kept telling myself, ‘No matter how hard I study, I will fail. I will never make it to 200.’

The thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way is up. Unless, you decide to stay there. For a while, I did not know the way up. I stayed there.

All my friends had jobs, they had travelled places for job purposes and otherwise. Some had married, some had kids. Their facebook timelines were in motion. It was a blur of happy and happening people, while I had come to a standstill. Not that I wasn’t happy for anyone, but the feeling of ‘being left behind’ nagged me. For the past 4-5 years when people asked me what I was doing, the answer always had been ‘CA’. I had even begun to get snide remarks like, ‘You have been saying the same thing for so long’ or ‘Will you ever clear in this lifetime?’

People kept reminding me how old I was and that I had to get a job; that I had to get married. ‘Job or no job, get married!’ they told me.

Others kept asking me how many times I was about to write my exams. They kept asking me what my next plan was; as though I HAD to do something else. Writing exams, again and again, was absurd. There had to be a ‘next’ according to them.

Pic courtesy: fbookmemes.blogspot.com

‘Get a job!’

‘Get a job!

‘Get a job!’

‘Maybe I should.’

*****

I decided to go for work. I went for an interview in a multinational firm. To say that one worked there, was the highest honor. I needed a break, I needed to save some money. I needed the job. And I got it. The day of our orientation was the day of our results. I was devoid of hopes as usual. But when the marks were out, it read 193. I had pass marks in all my papers but didn’t have the aggregate of 200. I had missed by 7 marks. I was happy. I was so close. Another attempt will help me clear my first group. That is how it has always been. And then I remembered.

It was my first day at work and I had signed a contract.

I tried studying amidst my hectic work schedule. But I couldn’t. I know people who would study even after grinding 10-12 hours of work. I wasn’t made that way. I reached home by 9 pm and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open, have some food and flop onto my bed, only to be woken up next day for work. My workplace was employee-friendly. Yet, I couldn’t enjoy it. Physically, I worked. But mentally, I kept wondering how I’ll study. I was anxious. I had come so close to 200. But now, time was running low. My contract period would end just before the exams and the time would be too less to prepare. I was getting a panic attack. I wanted out. Every day was a torture for me. I regretted going for work. I felt suffocated, scared and anxious. I suspected that maybe CA wasn’t meant for me, which was why even after getting so close, I had new hurdles to face. After much thought, I quit my job.

I am a very slow learner. I need to work out problems umpteen number of times to really understand it implies. Similarly, I have to read, re-read and connect theory to get the holistic idea. It takes a lot of time for me. But once I understand, I understand it very well. Learning fast only messed up things for me.

It was too late! By the time I quit my job, I didn’t have enough time to prepare well. I didn’t clear during that attempt either. I got lower marks than my previous attempt. Now, I was truly devastated. But I had

By the time I quit my job, I didn’t have enough time to prepare well. I didn’t clear during that attempt either. I got lower marks than my previous attempt. Now, I was truly devastated. But I had learned my lesson. From the job episode, I realised that I would suffer if I took up a job and continued studying at the same time. I decided to give one last attempt, after which, if I didn’t clear, I’ll quit CA and go for a job.

(To be continued…)

PS – If you liked this, you can read more CA related posts from below or from ‘CA’ under the ‘Categories’ heading on the right side of this blog 🙂

Life of A CA Student

CA happens to be one of the toughest and the most complicated courses ever. It is very well known that a CA student sometimes takes ages to clear CA exams, that the subjects are difficult and the criteria for passing are very stringent. What people fail to realize is the tribulations undergone by a CA Student, especially the ones who don’t clear after  multiple attempts.

Long post alert: If you are my friend or relative, my blog has been hacked and someone else wrote this. If you are a CA student, I suppose you could relate to this. A group hug is in order.

WHAT PEOPLE AT HOME THINK I AM DOING

I sit comfortably in my room. No worries, no pains, no work to do. I just have to read a few written words. Anyone in their position wouldn’t understand what it takes, to open books after books full of technical and incomprehensible terminologies and read huge sentences with no punctuation whatsoever (Read ISCA). We have to remember most of it, as it is, if we need some marks. When it is about huge problems that make no sense at all, don’t get me started on them.

While learning theory, I sometimes, use certain words as milestones, to remember sentences. Sometimes, I create stories, sometimes I use mnemonics. Ask any CA student about ISCA and they’ll tell you it is a herculean task. By the time, I am halfway through the answer, I am called. For some work, or I am told something that isn’t urgent at all, I have to buy things or I have to do something else. No exaggeration, I am called at least half a dozen times in two hours. Regaining focus multiple times and getting in sync with the subject becomes very difficult.

After repeated disturbances, I feel defeated on most of the days and I stop studying for the rest of the day. Sometimes, I rant like this. Sometimes, when I recover from this, I pick up my books only to be called again.

And they say, she has been studying all day, while I have been trying to regain my focus half the time.

WHAT MY NON CA FRIENDS THINK I AM DOING

“Hey! What are you upto?”

“Studying!”

“Oh! You are a padipist (slang for a nerd) always with books.”

They have blamed me many times for not attending functions, or for attending functions with books (after classes), for reaching late and so on. All they can see is no contact or no activity from my side most of the times.

Some of them ask me in a mock tone, “Isn’t it over yet? It has been so long!”. I smile though my heart sinks. I believe this is a question one should never ask a CA student. We have been pursuing this for years and we are very well aware, more than anyone else, that it has been long. We don’t even know if we will reach the shore and if we don’t, god forbid, a major part of our youth go wasted with no alternate qualification.

But No! Sympathy isn’t what we look for. We may feel dejected at times, but we are strong knowing that failure is okay. Failure in CA, we wear it like the badge of honor as Cersei Lannister puts it. We are soldiers who fight no matter what. Soldiers don’t need sympathy. They need encouragement.

They think I am the most studious person in this century. The nerd of the group. 😮

WHAT MY RELATIVES THINK I AM DOING

It has always been easy for me to convince my friends. But relatives? Phew!

While my family has been to many places during the last few years, I never accompanied them due to my exams. Attending functions, going for trips etc reduced over the years because of the constant nagging feeling in the back of my head that kept reminding me that I had to study.

• The Complaining Relatives

They keep inviting us to visit their homes outside Kerala. When I say I don’t accompany my parents on any trip, it is implied that I really can’t spare a week to stay with relatives too. I cannot enjoy, knowing that I have exams coming. More often, I am asked to take my books with me. Why would anyone go on a trip & study there? Besides, have you seen a CA student’s room? It is like a book store with books old & new, small & big, we have amendments for every attempt and sometimes, we study one subject using as many as three to four books. Carrying all of them isn’t practical.

Some relatives call me up these days only to express their bitter feelings. They tell me that I’m using CA as an excuse to not visit them, that they are fed up of listening to the same excuse for years (As though I have been enjoying it). When I tell them I have classes, they ask me why can’t I go visit them after classes. They do not understand when I say I have only one month left and that itself isn’t sufficient for my preparation.

 

• The Relatives Providing Advisory Services

Then comes the relatives who advice me to work. They ask me to stop writing and start working. They call up my mother & grandmother and keep pressurizing, forcing them to stop me from continuing my studies. They do not realize how I feel about the 6 years I have invested for this course. They do not know that I feel hopeful once again. They do not want to know what I want or what I feel.

• The Relatives Who Are Worried About My ‘Future’

Future = Marriage

“This guy is 32 years old. Superb guy.”

“She can study after marriage.”

“They want a CA girl”

“They have no demands. They prefer a CA girl who can take care of the firm.” (Am I supposed to marry the firm?)

“He’ll take her to You Yes Yay!” (Nay!)

“She cleared inter, she’ll get awesome job. She should marry.”

“Marriage.”

“Marry!”

“Twenty – odd years old? Marry ASAP!”

“Send me the Jathakam!”

“Russia, Singapore, Malaysia, Africa, London, You Yes YAY!”

The entire world has figured out my life for me.

WHAT I ACTUALLY DO

Make up my mind to study, get called, make up my mind to study, get the door bell, make up my mind to study, listening to relatives’ abuses, get dejected, waste the day, make up my mind to study, resist the temptation to attend a function, study, get called, make up my mind… phew!

A CA student’s challenge isn’t the exams alone. It is the entire society. It is the ignorance about the course that prevails around them. CA not only tests our knowledge. It tests our patience too.

CA STUDENTS AFTER EXAMS

The only ones who will understand this write up of mine and every word here are the CA students themselves. We are unique and we are proud of that.

Wishing all my fellow CA students all the best for the battle in May. 🙂

Read my other CA Related posts here:

1. Even CA could be funny at times – I
2. Another CA Post
3. From the diary of a dishevelled CA student
4. The end of another phase

Image source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6

Just Before I Quit

100 Happy Days – Day 80

Happiness is a Ray of Hope – Clearing a group of CA Finals after many attempts.

There were no display of emotions.

No laughter or pirouettes

No screams or exclamation of joy.

A friend asked me, ‘Aren’t you updating this on Facebook?’

‘My happiness is also someone else’s sorrow’, I said

‘I have experienced both

and I resolved not to update this on Facebook’

I sat for a couple of hours

staring at the screen before me.

Unsure of whether I should

Be rejoicing or doubting myself.

For at that moment when I decided to quit,

Time pressed something into my hands.

A Result that ended with the word ‘PASS’.

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You really cannot call this a poem. This is just my feelings written in a pattern. Just a write up. This blog is my second home, a friend, a diary or you could call it a place where I keep a part of my soul. This day had to go in here. For, I had made all preparations to quit CA after writing the Finals for the fifth time when I was told that I cleared first group.

The journey isn’t over. But, for the first time in a couple of years I feel as though I might be able to crack this. The ray of hope is what I needed. 🙂

Now, the next half of the battle BEGINS!

Image courtesy: Here

Failures – My Catalysts

Today our CA Final results were out. I didn’t get through. Now, don’t feel sorry for me. Failure in CA is nothing new. Every May and November, around 90% of the students attempting CA Finals don’t clear because the institute decides the percentage of students that should pass. If they fix 10% and if you fall within the top 10%, you are in. Unfortunately, many of us didn’t.

 

I was devastated. Obviously. But I did not give up. I will be writing again. We are made like that, the CA species. We fall down and get hurt badly, but we get up again and try again. Sometimes 3 attempts, sometimes 5 or 10 or even more. Some of them who persevere, finally make it.

For those who don’t have much idea about CA, you can read my previous posts where I have discussed some phases of CA:

Even CA could be funny at times-I

Even CA could be funny at times-II

Another CA post

From the diary of a dishevelled CA student.

100 Happy Days – Day 43

Happiness is moving forward

You must be really wondering how on Earth could I include this day among my happy days. I couldn’t imagine doing that 28 hours ago, when the results were out. The first thought that came was ‘I have no reason to be happy.’ But slowly, as the truth sank in, I became numb and when the numbness faded, I became aggressive. I wanted to do something. I had to. Sitting and looking at the blank wall did not give me any solution.

I had to start again. But I also wanted some action. I wanted a job to keep me occupied while I recoup and pull myself together. I began to prepare my writer’s resume, I started hunting for a writing job. Like a hungry, wounded lioness I banged onto the keypad and applied in I-have-no-idea-number-of places. I saved many other ads I found. I got replies from some of them. I learnt new things about writing.

At the end of the day, I realised how the failure had turned things around. If I had been sitting and moping all day, it would have made me all the more miserable. I wouldn’t have found a reason to be happy and this 100 Happy Days challenge would have ended in my misery. Do you know what encouraged me? A simple picture.

Image source

Also, a post on Scoopwhoop helped me a great deal. The final outcome was that today, I was up and moving. I still don’t know where my life is taking me. But, as long as it keeps moving, I can call it ‘Life’. 🙂

I will be alive as long as words exist and these fingers can write them.