Just Before I Quit

100 Happy Days – Day 80

Happiness is a Ray of Hope – Clearing a group of CA Finals after many attempts.

There were no display of emotions.

No laughter or pirouettes

No screams or exclamation of joy.

A friend asked me, ‘Aren’t you updating this on Facebook?’

‘My happiness is also someone else’s sorrow’, I said

‘I have experienced both

and I resolved not to update this on Facebook’

I sat for a couple of hours

staring at the screen before me.

Unsure of whether I should

Be rejoicing or doubting myself.

For at that moment when I decided to quit,

Time pressed something into my hands.

A Result that ended with the word ‘PASS’.

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You really cannot call this a poem. This is just my feelings written in a pattern. Just a write up. This blog is my second home, a friend, a diary or you could call it a place where I keep a part of my soul. This day had to go in here. For, I had made all preparations to quit CA after writing the Finals for the fifth time when I was told that I cleared first group.

The journey isn’t over. But, for the first time in a couple of years I feel as though I might be able to crack this. The ray of hope is what I needed. 🙂

Now, the next half of the battle BEGINS!

Image courtesy: Here

Failures – My Catalysts

Today our CA Final results were out. I didn’t get through. Now, don’t feel sorry for me. Failure in CA is nothing new. Every May and November, around 90% of the students attempting CA Finals don’t clear because the institute decides the percentage of students that should pass. If they fix 10% and if you fall within the top 10%, you are in. Unfortunately, many of us didn’t.

 

I was devastated. Obviously. But I did not give up. I will be writing again. We are made like that, the CA species. We fall down and get hurt badly, but we get up again and try again. Sometimes 3 attempts, sometimes 5 or 10 or even more. Some of them who persevere, finally make it.

For those who don’t have much idea about CA, you can read my previous posts where I have discussed some phases of CA:

Even CA could be funny at times-I

Even CA could be funny at times-II

Another CA post

From the diary of a dishevelled CA student.

100 Happy Days – Day 43

Happiness is moving forward

You must be really wondering how on Earth could I include this day among my happy days. I couldn’t imagine doing that 28 hours ago, when the results were out. The first thought that came was ‘I have no reason to be happy.’ But slowly, as the truth sank in, I became numb and when the numbness faded, I became aggressive. I wanted to do something. I had to. Sitting and looking at the blank wall did not give me any solution.

I had to start again. But I also wanted some action. I wanted a job to keep me occupied while I recoup and pull myself together. I began to prepare my writer’s resume, I started hunting for a writing job. Like a hungry, wounded lioness I banged onto the keypad and applied in I-have-no-idea-number-of places. I saved many other ads I found. I got replies from some of them. I learnt new things about writing.

At the end of the day, I realised how the failure had turned things around. If I had been sitting and moping all day, it would have made me all the more miserable. I wouldn’t have found a reason to be happy and this 100 Happy Days challenge would have ended in my misery. Do you know what encouraged me? A simple picture.

Image source

Also, a post on Scoopwhoop helped me a great deal. The final outcome was that today, I was up and moving. I still don’t know where my life is taking me. But, as long as it keeps moving, I can call it ‘Life’. 🙂

I will be alive as long as words exist and these fingers can write them.