We are the shadows of the people around us. Our thoughts, actions, and behavioral patterns are reflections of our parents, teachers, and friends. People play very important roles in our lives and so if we are to grow, we need people who support our growth. If we have negative people around pulling us down, if people we love stop responding to us, or if we stop responding to them, there could be conflicts.
How do we grow when our mind is not sane, free and healthy? Focus on people around you, set things right and you will find things falling into place.
1. Let Go
All of us have been here. We have seen our close ones gradually slip away, some of us watched, some of us were confused, some of us threw tantrums but people who left, they just left! There is only so much you can do.
When you feel someone is drifting apart, do your best to hold them back. But remember do not beg for a place. If they want you in their life, they will try to sort it out seeing your efforts. If they don’t, your begging will only make it worse. You will either give them a sense of superiority or you will be a mere annoyance to them. Learn to let go after a point.
2. Cutting People off
If someone is adversely affecting your life, bossing you around, making jokes at your cost, mocking your beliefs and thought processes, putting you down, cut them off asap! You don’t need that kind of negativity. Love could make you so blind that you even lose your self-respect to save a relationship. I am talking any relationship here.
Do this. It will be hard in the beginning. Very hard! But in a few months’ time, you will experience a kind of freedom you never knew existed until then.
3. Embracing your Home group
Your home group – The ones who watched you grow, who love you as you are, your closest circle of friends who know you raw.
Many times we chase people who don’t care and spend time with people who don’t need us. Meanwhile, there are others chasing us, sometimes waiting patiently for a word of love, for some time with us. We don’t have to go that far. There will be someone in every house yearning for our time. Bask in the love you already have rather than chasing the one you may never have. Spend more time with your loved ones. It will be time wisely spent and you’ll never regret it.
Reach out to reach within yourself
4. Talk it out
If he/she was sucking the happiness out of you or he/she just left you for better friends, the story is over. But if you just drifted apart over a silly fight or misunderstanding and if it still pains you, isn’t it high time that you tried to be friends again? We already have so many things bothering us without all the ‘ifs’ adding to them. What if you had apologized? What if you had talked it out? Is it too late?
You wouldn’t know unless you try. Try talking things out and if it doesn’t work out, you know it is the end. You can learn to put it behind you. If not, you just got back your old buddy! 🙂
5. Mingling With Underprivileged People
When Privilege is love and care…
“I cried for shoes until I saw a child without legs” To value what you have, you should either lose it or be in touch with someone who doesn’t have it. Ever went to an old-age home?
A bunch of old and frail people hoping and waiting for their children to come back and take them home. Some of them know it may never happen, yet a ray of hope remains. Being with them will open our eyes to many things – to count our blessings, to know how they feel, to learn empathy, to realize this could be us some day.
Mingling with under-privileged people will open us to suffering, will make us more kind and compassionate, will remind us to live to the fullest as long as we can.
6. Getting in touch
Do you remember that teacher who contributed so much to your growth? That mentor whom you ran to whenever your life was a mess? Those friends you had coffee with and felt at home every single time? There are so many people we weren’t very close to but we felt a strange happiness when we were with them. They helped us grow mentally and emotionally. They were our support systems. What happened to them?
Get in touch with people who have always been there, no questions asked, even after you vanished for a long time. Go on. Pick up your phone right now and call them. I have to make a call to my LKG class teacher.
“You don’t know how strong you are until you have to accept an apology you will never get.” Life isn’t a movie where everyone realizes their mistakes in the end and apologizes. No. In life people leave you hanging amidst your troubles, never to look back. It ends there. You wait for a backward glance, an apology that you may or may not get. What do you do? Grieve the rest of your life over what happened? You need to move on. You don’t have to forget, but you need to forgive. Not for anyone else, but you.
You might wonder how any of this relates to Self Development. I had a rough phase during the end of last year and earlier this year. I had to cut off negative people from my life, I lost a very close friend for no reason and I was very much depressed. All I did was hole up in my room and whine away a whole lot of days that could have been otherwise productive. In a while, I realised I had to get past it. If people are causing problems in life, you deal with people in order to solve it right? That is all this is about.
I did that and felt a lot better. It cleared my head tremendously and a day became more tolerable to me that I focussed on other aspects of Self Development including taking up this BarAThon! I am happy now.
Bonus tip – We often underestimate the power of little and stupid acts 😉 I may write a post on it some day if I remember to.
Featured Image Courtesy: Here