Long post alert! I’ll be dividing this post into parts due to its lengthy nature.
Also, to understand some of it, you will need knowledge about CA course and the marking system. Hope you get a vague idea here:
- There are 2 groups in CA final. One group comprises of 4 papers of 100 marks each.
- You need to get 40 marks or more for every paper and 200 (50%) aggregate in each group to clear a group (Or 400 aggregate to clear both).
- If you get 60 marks for a paper, you get an exemption from writing it for the next 3 attempts.
- If you fail in one paper, you have to write the entire group again (unless you have scored a 60 for a paper which alone will be exempted.)
I am a CA student. Judge me all you want. This is my 7th attempt at my CA finals. Yes! I have failed and I got up every single time. I am writing this for all those CA students who have failed multiple times and haven’t given up and as a result face similar situations as below. Maybe, at the end of my lengthy post, I could help someone feel better. Maybe!
I completed my article-ship in 2014 Feb. I gave my CA Final first attempt in Nov 2013. The pass percentage was 3% then. I remember I had prepared well for my first group and wrote my second group unprepared, due to lack of time. When the results were out, I had similar marks for both the groups. Same marks for the group I studied well and for the group I didn’t study at all. I lost all hopes.
The next two attempts I gave were with no confidence at all. The first attempt had weakened me. The distance, between my first attempt’s 1st group results and 200 pass marks, was vast. Thinking of the distance I had to cover, drained all hopes out of me. I wrote the exams later on, but with neither hope nor confidence. I kept telling myself, ‘No matter how hard I study, I will fail. I will never make it to 200.’
The thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way is up. Unless, you decide to stay there. For a while, I did not know the way up. I stayed there.
All my friends had jobs, they had travelled places for job purposes and otherwise. Some had married, some had kids. Their facebook timelines were in motion. It was a blur of happy and happening people, while I had come to a standstill. Not that I wasn’t happy for anyone, but the feeling of ‘being left behind’ nagged me. For the past 4-5 years when people asked me what I was doing, the answer always had been ‘CA’. I had even begun to get snide remarks like, ‘You have been saying the same thing for so long’ or ‘Will you ever clear in this lifetime?’
People kept reminding me how old I was and that I had to get a job; that I had to get married. ‘Job or no job, get married!’ they told me.
Others kept asking me how many times I was about to write my exams. They kept asking me what my next plan was; as though I HAD to do something else. Writing exams, again and again, was absurd. There had to be a ‘next’ according to them.
‘Get a job!’
‘Get a job!
‘Get a job!’
‘Maybe I should.’
I decided to go for work. I went for an interview in a multinational firm. To say that one worked there, was the highest honor. I needed a break, I needed to save some money. I needed the job. And I got it. The day of our orientation was the day of our results. I was devoid of hopes as usual. But when the marks were out, it read 193. I had pass marks in all my papers but didn’t have the aggregate of 200. I had missed by 7 marks. I was happy. I was so close. Another attempt will help me clear my first group. That is how it has always been. And then I remembered.
It was my first day at work and I had signed a contract.
I tried studying amidst my hectic work schedule. But I couldn’t. I know people who would study even after grinding 10-12 hours of work. I wasn’t made that way. I reached home by 9 pm and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open, have some food and flop onto my bed, only to be woken up next day for work. My workplace was employee-friendly. Yet, I couldn’t enjoy it. Physically, I worked. But mentally, I kept wondering how I’ll study. I was anxious. I had come so close to 200. But now, time was running low. My contract period would end just before the exams and the time would be too less to prepare. I was getting a panic attack. I wanted out. Every day was a torture for me. I regretted going for work. I felt suffocated, scared and anxious. I suspected that maybe CA wasn’t meant for me, which was why even after getting so close, I had new hurdles to face. After much thought, I quit my job.
I am a very slow learner. I need to work out problems umpteen number of times to really understand it implies. Similarly, I have to read, re-read and connect theory to get the holistic idea. It takes a lot of time for me. But once I understand, I understand it very well. Learning fast only messed up things for me.
It was too late! By the time I quit my job, I didn’t have enough time to prepare well. I didn’t clear during that attempt either. I got lower marks than my previous attempt. Now, I was truly devastated. But I had
By the time I quit my job, I didn’t have enough time to prepare well. I didn’t clear during that attempt either. I got lower marks than my previous attempt. Now, I was truly devastated. But I had learned my lesson. From the job episode, I realised that I would suffer if I took up a job and continued studying at the same time. I decided to give one last attempt, after which, if I didn’t clear, I’ll quit CA and go for a job.
(To be continued…)
PS – If you liked this, you can read more CA related posts from below or from ‘CA’ under the ‘Categories’ heading on the right side of this blog🙂